Miaka and the Suzaku Seven go to Hawaii!
by Zolac no Miko
Summary: The Suzaku bunch are on vacation in the most beautiful place in the world... chaos ensues...
1. In Which Tasuki Loses His Lunch

I've been reading a lot of Fushigi Yûgi fan fics, so I decided it was probably time for me to write one. This one has absolutely no timeline or any sort of relevance to the actual story. It makes very little sense and may or may not actually be funny, but here it is. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I'm obviously not Watase-san, so none of the FY characters belong to me. Everything else is MINE!  
  
CHAPTER 1: IN WHICH TASUKI LOSES HIS LUNCH  
  
As the plane dipped sideways, turning and dropping lower towards the bright tropical sea, Tasuki clutched an air sickness bag and desperately tried to avoid looking out any of the windows.  
"Aw hell, I think I'm gonna hurl!" he groaned.  
"Hey, don't worry about it, Tasuki," smirked Tamahome from across the aisle. "Just try not to think about the motion of the plane, the sudden drops as the plane plummets hundreds of feet towards the waves...."  
"I'll bash yer head in ya punk!" the fiery red head managed to burst out before losing his lunch.  
"Oh for Suzaku's sake, must you all act like children no da?" cried an exasperated Chichiri. His vacation had barely started, and already he was getting a headache. "Mitsukake, can't you do something for him no da?"  
The healer shook his head, staring straight ahead and concentrating on his breathing.  
Chiriko peeked through the seats. "Mitsukake's looking a little green himself, I think. Did you know air sickness is the most common form of motion sickness?"  
  
Finally the airplane touched down at the Honolulu International Airport. Miaka and Tamahome were the first off the plane.  
"That flight was exhausting! When do we eat?" exclaimed the Priestess of Suzaku.  
Tamahome smiled fondly down at her. "Ah, Miaka. You never change."  
"Wow Tamahome, can you believe we're actually on vacation in Hawaii? How romantic."  
Tamahome turned and stared deep into her eyes. "Yes. The two of us. Together."  
Miaka stared back. "Oh, Tamahome."  
"Miaka."  
"Tamahome."  
"Miaka."  
Nuriko picked up the love sick couple and stuffed them into an obliging trash can. "Those two never shut up," he sighed, dusting off his hands.  
"Oh, thank Suzaku we're off that horrible plane!" exclaimed Hotohori with a long face. "The air was drying out our hair! And would you believe they refused to put us in first class? What a terrible experience! We're sure we must look a terrible mess. We haven't bathed since yesterday!"  
Nuriko immediately latched on to the Emperor's arm. "Hotohori-sama, I assure you, you look just as gorgeous as ever. You poor darling, come with me. I'll take care of you."  
Too exhausted to fight against those big lilac eyes and honey sweet voice, Hotohori allowed himself to be dragged to the baggage claim.  
  
* * *  
  
Ya, okay, so that wasn't all that great. But it's only the first chapter, and not much is going on. I swear to Zolac the second chapter is much better! 


	2. In Which Chichiri Finally Snaps

I'm baaaaaaack! And I have some wonderful fun for all of you! Chapter 2! Yay!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of the Fushigi Yûgi manga, anime, characters, music, or other related merchandise. Nor do I own the Star Wars movies, books, characters, etc. And I don't own Natalie Portman. (Would I want to? ~_~() Now Hayden Christensen I wouldn't mind eheheheheh...) Let's see... what else? Hmmm... okay, nothing. All the other ideas are mine, so please don't steal them, okay?  
  
Warnings: Ummmm... mild Miaka bashing? I love her, really I do, but it's sooooo easy! Plus... some shameless OOC-ness, I guess. Who cares? This is a parody, people!!!  
  
CHAPTER 2: IN WHICH CHICHIRI FINALLY SNAPS  
  
The eight weary travelers piled into a rental van.  
"I call shot gun!" yelled Tasuki.  
"Wait a minute," said a confused Tamahome as Chichiri slid into the driver's seat. "I'm the hero of the story. Shouldn't I be in the driver's seat?"  
"Listen, Tamahome-kun," said Chichiri, "I didn't ask to be the chauffeur for all of you children no da. I'm on vacation for Suzaku's sake! It just so happens I'm the only one old enough to drive a rental legally. You are going to sit in the back with all the rest, and if you have a problem with it, I'll stuff you into my hat na no da! Do I make myself clear!?" he practically screamed.  
Sweat drops all around.  
"Gee, what's gotten into Chichiri?" whispered Chiriko to Mitsukake. "He's usually so calm and... benevolent."  
Mitsukake shrugged. "Maybe he has some weird jet lag side effects."  
"Is it even legal to drive with only one eye?" wondered Hotohori, concerned.  
Meanwhile, in the back seat, Miaka had managed to end up sitting on Tamahome's lap. As he wrapped his arms around her, she went into a floating-bubbles-and-sparkling-lights blissful internal monologue sequence.  
'He's so warm,' she mused. 'I can feel his heart beating. I wish I could stay in this moment forever, safe and warm in his arms. I'm so happy. I know he will always be there for me, even when one or the other of us decides we can't possibly be together and decides the least painful course of action is to totally ignore the other person's existence. Sigh. I wonder what our children will look like. Oh, how silly of me! How can I even think of marriage or children? Tamahome isn't real. He doesn't exist. He's just some stupid character in some stupid book. The fact that the only people who ever cared about me are just made up book characters doesn't mean diddly to me.'  
Hotohori, sitting next to them, gazed upon them with sad eyes, lost in his own thoughts. 'How happy they look. Oh Tamahome, if only for one day you would let me protect her as you do...! But... it is not to be. Perhaps Miaka doesn't realize that inside the Emperor, there is a man, a foolish man that is in love with her! A man that has wanted to marry her since he was ten years old, when all the other kids were picking their noses. Ah! No one understands how I feel! Except maybe Anakin Skywalker. Granted, Natalie Portman is attractive....' (Amongst the readers, much confusion ensues.) 'But not as attractive as Miaka, the short, gluttonous, loud, obnoxious girl that I love! Her young face shines with innocence and stupidity!'  
Next to Hotohori, Nuriko fell into his own reverie. 'Oh Hotohori- sama, how graceful and serene you look! Why must you love Miaka? Why won't you love me? I'm prettier than her anyway. Perhaps if I-'  
Nuriko's thoughts were shattered by extremely loud music that suddenly issued through the van's speakers. "All right! They're playing my song!" shouted Tasuki. He began singing off key at the top of his lungs. "Hoo! Hah! Rekka-Shinen! BWAHAHAHA!!!"  
"TURN OFF THAT HORRIBLE MUSIC NO DA!!" screamed Chichiri.  
Tasuki quickly turned down the volume. "Ya know, Chichiri, your eye prob'ly shouldn't be, er, twitching like that."  
"You people are driving me crazy no da! I can't take it anymore!" Chichiri closed his one good eye and took a deep breath. "I shall have to meditate until I feel better no da."  
"Um, Chichiri," ventured Chiriko, "perhaps it would be wiser if, um, you didn't close your eyes until-"  
"WATCH THE #$%*ING ROAD CHICHIRI!!" screamed Tasuki.  
Without opening his eye, Chichiri turned the wheel sharply to the right, just in time to avoid the car in front of them. The van swerved crazily across several lanes of freeway traffic amidst much honking and inappropriate gestures from other drivers.  
Nuriko clutched onto Hotohori's arm with a vise-like grip. "Save me, Hotohori-sama, I'm scared!" wailed the cross dresser.  
"Nuriko-san, let go of our arm! We cannot feel our fingers!"  
Tamahome held Miaka tighter, eyes wide. "D-don't worry, Miaka. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you!"  
"Eww! You pervert! Get your hands off my chest!" she shrieked, punching his face in.  
"I'm sorry! It was an accident! I swear I didn't mean to!"  
Chiriko frantically recited the periodic table while Mitsukake used one of his medicines to knock himself unconscious.  
Finally, Chichiri opened his eye with a sigh. "Well I really feel much better no da!" he said cheerily.  
More sweat drops. Mitsukake started snoring.  
"Tasuki, I hope you don't mind if I change the station no da!"  
(Radio Announcer) "Welcome back to the 'Stars of Hawaii' Pageant. Contestants must recite an original poem, followed by an original song. The most talented individual will win a free lomilomi massage! Contestant #33... Nakago! Please describe yourself Nakago."  
"Ahem. My name is Nakago. I am tall, blond, and blue-eyed. I am a Celestial Warrior of Seiryu. Actually, I am the one in charge. The others are just pawns. I like to manipulate people in order to achieve my goal of world domination. Now I would like to recite a haiku entitled 'Nakago is God.'  
  
World domination.  
Everything belongs to me.  
I like how that sounds.  
  
Ahem. Now I will sing one of my original songs that I wrote. It is called 'Blue Eyes Blue.'"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed all of the Suzaku. Mitsukake began drooling in his sleep.  
  
* * *  
  
Notes: Okay, let's see... the rental car thing... I think the age for renting a car in Hawaii is like, 25 or something. Which sucks! I mean, what good is a license if I can't rent a car and crash it? Ahem. So, Chichiri's actually too young to drive one, too, but he's the oldest, and someone had to drive. Just go with it, okay? Maybe he has a fake ID. Also, a quick explanation of lomilomi massage, for the Hawaiian language deprived (like I can talk!). "Lomilomi" basically means "to chop," so this Hawaiian massage form is based on a chopping motion of the hands. Now aren't you glad? You learned something today!  
  
Well, now, wasn't that fun? Betcha can't wait til the next chapter, huh? ^_^ 


	3. In Which Miaka Acts Strangely

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yûgi. I do not own The Matrix. Erm... yeah. The other stuff's mine. Deal with it.  
  
Warnings: Let's see... randomness and insanity. But you were expecting that. Uh, mild Miaka bashing? I mean, I love her and all, but come on! She's such an easy target!  
  
CHAPTER 3: IN WHICH MIAKA ACTS STRANGELY  
  
Without further incident, the van pulled up in front of the Ala Moana Hotel. As the eight of them crowded into the elevator, chattering excitedly about being in Hawaii, Miaka stood in the corner silently, an odd look on her face. Oh wait, that look is called "thoughtful." She doesn't often have that look....  
("Get on with it!" rage the readers.)  
Ding! went the elevator cheerfully. BUWHOOSH!!!! went the bomb, flinging the door against the bullet-eaten marble walls of the lobby. No wait, that was "The Matrix."  
("GET ON WITH IT!!!!!")  
Ding! went the elevator. The Suzaku poured out and were soon assembled in front of the two adjoining rooms. Chichiri held up the key- cards. "If you think about it, there are only four beds, so we're all going to have to share no da." Tamahome slanted a look at Miaka. Nuriko slanted a look at Hotohori.  
"Since Miaka is the only girl among us," Chichiri continued, "considerations need to be made for her privacy na no da. Nuriko practically is a woman, so he should share with Miaka. Since Chiriko is the youngest and I am the oldest and most mature, we will sleep in the other bed. You four may feel free to work it out amongst yourselves no da." He handed the key cards out and opened the door.  
In the other room, Mitsukake headed straight to the bed on the window side of the room. Hotohori cast an alarmed glance at his other two room mates before hastily joining him. "We will sleep in this bed also," he said, "near the window where more people may admire us."  
Tasuki blinked several times. "Eh? No way am I sharing a bed with Tamahome!"  
"Well, sleep on the floor then!" he replied, sulking.  
"No way! You sleep on th' floor!"  
"You should sleep in the bathroom you snore so loud!"  
"Well at least I don't have stinky breath!"  
"You flail!"  
"You drool!"  
"You wet the bed!"  
With a roar, Tasuki launched himself at Tamahome. "You watch what ya say! I'll wipe th' floor with yer face!!"  
The two hot-heads wrestled on the floor, rolling about and knocking things over amidst foul curses.  
Hotohori rubbed his temples, a pained expression on his face. "Mitsukake, if you would be so kind as to help us? We think we are getting a headache."  
  
Some time later, Tamahome ventured through the doorway connecting the two rooms. Miaka and Nuriko were sitting on their bed, brushing their hair.  
"Miaka," said Tamahome, "I'm watching 'The Lord of the Rings' in the other room and I was wondering if you might like to join-"  
"Nuriko," said Miaka, ignoring him, "do you realize the Ala Moana Hotel is right across the street from the Ala Moana Shopping Center?"  
Nuriko's eyes sparkled. "And we know what that means...."  
Miaka smiled back. "SHOPPING!!!!" they shrieked in unison.  
"Shopping?" said a disappointed Tamahome. "Oh. Well. How about a goodbye-"  
Nuriko and Miaka were out the door and out of sight with a fwoosh!  
"-hug?" Tamahome stood confused for a moment; then his face reddened with indignation. "Now what the hell was that all about!?" he exclaimed.  
  
Several hours later the two mall crawlers returned, laden with packages. Chichiri was sitting at the foot of his bed, staring at the television, and Chiriko was snoozing behind him. As Miaka struggled through the door, Tamahome looked in from the other room.  
"Hey Miaka, did you have fun? Here, let me help you with-"  
"Chichiri!" exclaimed Miaka loudly, a note of desperation in her voice. "What are you watching?" She quickly dropped her bags on her bed and went to sit next to him. "The... Fishing Channel. Riiight." She looked at him slantwise.  
Chichiri, oblivious, was completely wrapped up in watching an old man with a beer belly sleep in a beach chair while he waited for a bite.  
"Only Chichiri," sighed Nuriko from behind a mountain of packages. "So, Tama-baby, what did you do today?"  
"My name is Tamahome," he corrected absentmindedly, stewing over Miaka's strange actions.  
"Whatever, Tama-baby," said Nuriko, carelessly dumping his packages on the bed behind Chichiri. On top of Chiriko.  
"AAIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" shrieked the young boy from beneath a ton of shoe boxes. "HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!! GETMEOUTGETMEOUTGETMEOUTGETME-"  
Nuriko quickly swept the packages off the bed, accidentally pummeling Tamahome with some of them. Chiriko sat up, eyes wild, face pale, and hyperventilating like mad. He leaped up and grabbed Nuriko by the collar.  
"ARE YOU MAD!?" he yelled in his face. "I could have been crushed! Suffocated under a ton of plastic bags! Were you trying to give me a heart attack?" He started shaking Nuriko, who was beginning to look very unamused. "NEVER, I say NEVER, do something like that AGAIN! I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!!"  
"And I'M wearing SILK!" yelled a pissed Nuriko, detaching the child from his collar and dropping him on his head.  
"Ah!" exclaimed Chichiri. Everyone looked at him. He was staring at the TV. "He's got a bite no da!"  
Mucho sweat drops.  
  
* * *  
  
Notes: Well, so what did you think of that? Another transition chapter, so it's short and not much going on. Oh well. The next chapter will be mucho fun, I promise! 


	4. In Which Tasuki is Afraid of Water and P...

Hey everyone! Thanks for the long wait!  
  
Riverwood: Hey, thanks for the suggestion about the anonymous reviews. I totally forgot about that! I just completely didn't occur to me to click on that little button in my settings.  
  
Roku Kyu: I feel very honored to be responsible for nearly killing you! No seriously, I'm glad to know the great Roku is enjoying my story so much. Just so you know, revenge is sweet: I had intense cravings for tomato soup with wasabe peas for an entire week!  
  
Disclaimer: Me Zolac no Miko. Me no own FY. Me no own funky disco "Kung- Fu Fighting" song. Me own story. You no own story. You steal story, me disembowel you with blunted spork.  
  
Warnings: Um... more mild Miaka bashing. Like I said, easy target. Do I even need to warn people about that?  
  
CHAPTER FOUR: IN WHICH TASUKI IS AFRAID OF WATER AND PLAYS WITH FIRE  
  
The warm Oahu evening found the whole gang walking the strip in Waikiki. As they wandered amidst the palm trees and crowds of fellow tourists, their jaws dropped at the dizzying maelstrom of lights, music, and wild street performers. There was a chinese violin player, a saw player, a one man band, a percussionist, several street bands and musicians, and maybe a dozen living statues glistening with silver, gold, or white paint.  
A score of walking billboards for the Waikiki Gun Club stood on the sidewalk, trying to hand out pamphlets to the passersby who carefully averted their eyes.  
"Tasuki-kun," asked Chichiri, "however did you end up with so many pamphlets no da?"  
"Isn't it great Chichiri? Who woulda' guessed there was so many gun clubs in Waikiki?"  
The older Warrior seemed about to say something, but shook his head and sighed, rubbing his temples.  
Miaka was grateful for the bright lights and the musicians; all the confusion helped to keep her mind off of Tamahome. She watched a group of college age boys move through the crowd, acting smooth and flirting with all the girls they met. 'They *are* kind of cute,' she thought, smiling. 'Maybe I should talk to them. Granted, they're not as good looking as Tama- No!' She shook her head, frowning. 'At least they're real-'  
As she passed a Burger King, the smell of a juicy hamburger and fries reached her nose, derailing her train of thought.  
Slam! Her face was glued to the glass door, her eyes gazing lovingly at the menus while her stomach rumbled loudly. Her hands dug into her pockets; she almost cried. They were empty! She desperately needed to find someone with money. Her look of despair was quickly replaced by something else. Something more sly, and scheming. She almost looked intelligent.  
"Oh, Hotohori!" she called, musically.  
  
"I'll have meals 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6, to go!" Miaka, clinging to Hotohori's arm, looked up at him and blinked her eyes in a manner that was almost cute. "Thank you sooooo much, Hotohori; I was simply starving!"  
Hotohori just couldn't believe his good luck. He and Miaka left the restaurant carrying steaming bags of fast food. Tamahome, watching, ground his teeth. 'Must- control- fist of death!' he thought.  
Chichiri touched his arm. "Shake it off, Tamahome. Women love to play games with a man's heart no da. Women..." he paused, thinking. After a moment, he brightened. "Women are like pasta no da." He walked off, leaving Tamahome confused.  
  
Soon the friends came upon a building with a great aquarium inside of it. They could see people walking through a tunnel on the inside of the aquarium.  
"Ooooohhhh!" shrieked Miaka, tossing her last bite of burger into the bottomless pit. "Let's go see the fishes!" She ran for the building, dragging Hotohori behind her. The others followed.  
Inside the tunnel, Miaka pressed her face against the glass. "Oooohhhh, look at the pretty yellow fishies, and the puffer fish, and the sting rays, and the sharks." Her stomach began to growl again.  
Mitsukake and Chiriko gazed at her with wonder.  
"How does she avoid getting a stomach ache?" wondered the healer.  
"She must have a digestive rate higher than that of a rufous throated hummingbird," marveled Chiriko.  
"Why does this tunnel have to contain stairs?" complained Hotohori out loud. "We might get sweaty doing all this climbing." He glanced to the base of the glass tube. "Tasuki-san, aren't you coming?"  
Tasuki sat on the bottom step, hugging his knees, his face pale and clammy. "I- I- I can't!" he exclaimed. "The water- this is worse than swimming!"  
Everyone looked at Tamahome, waiting for the insult.  
'Pasta?' he thought. 'How the hell are women like pasta? And what the hell does it have to do with *anything*?'  
Nuriko sighed. "I have to do everything!" he complained. "Come on Tasuki-chan, what are you afraid of? Are you a baby or something?"  
"I'm not no stinkin' baby!" he growled. "I just- I can't! The water- it's almost as scary as milk!"  
Nuriko grabbed his arm and yanked, pulling him up the stairs. "You're coming, whether you like it or not!"  
Tasuki squeaked, staring up at the sharks with wide eyes. "But what- what if the glass cracks, and I drown?"  
Chiriko laid a hand on his arm, comfortingly. "Don't worry Tasuki- san. The glass is approximately 3.12 inches thick. The chances of it cracking are- are so small I can't even begin to calculate it!"  
"And besides," added Mitsukake helpfully, "if you do drown, I know mouth to mouth resuscitation."  
Tasuki screamed with utter horror and shot up the stairs, tossing innocent tourists aside.  
  
Outside once more, the group paused to watch another living statue. He glistened silver in the light of a couple of tiki torches, not moving an inch.  
Tasuki peered closely at his face, frowning. He waved his hand in front of the man's eyes, then turned and looked in the direction the man was facing. He scratched his head, then exploded, "What the @%^& is he lookin' at?!"  
Chiriko watched passersby toss money into a hat near the man's feet. "Fascinating," he mused. "It's electrifying how much money he can make, just standing there."  
His words penetrated Tamahome's mind, rousing him from his stupor. "Money?.... Money!!" Dollar signs lit up his eyes... or would it be yen... or... whatever it is they use for money in Ancient China?  
Tamahome whisked a stereo and a hat out of nowhere. "... and everybody was Kung-Fu fighting..." blared the stereo, and Tamahome began doing all kinds of really really really cool martial arts moves. A crowd began to gather around him, murmuring oohs and aahs in appreciation as they tossed money into the hat.  
"Tama-baby never changes,"murmured Nuriko, smiling wistfully. He raised his voice. "I want ice cream! Let's go look for some. Tell you what, Tama-baby, we'll come back in an hour or so when we're ready to return to the hotel."  
Hotohori looked delighted. "Oooohhh! Ice cream! We want white chocolate ginger! It's our favorite flavor," he added, almost shyly.  
"I like green tea," said Chiriko. "Tea is stimulating to the mind. What's your favorite flavor, Miaka?"  
Miaka had been thinking how cute Tamahome looked, and was glad for the interruption of her thoughts. "Actually," she said, "I'm feeling kind of tired. Would someone walk me back to the hotel? Hotohori?" she asked, hopefully.  
Hotohori's brow creased from indecision, and his lip trembled. "Ice cream?" he quavered.  
"Nuriko? Beauty sleep?" Nuriko glanced at Hotohori. He didn't want to leave, now that he had Hotohori to himself.  
"Chiriko? Past your bed time?"  
"I'll go," said Mitsukake. "The only way to maintain one's health is to get enough sleep."  
Mitsukake and Miaka headed to the hotel, while four of the Suzaku Seishi wandered off in search of dessert. Tasuki remained, staring thoughtfully at Tamahome. He was pulling in quite a bit of money with his acrobatics. Tasuki grinned, showing his fangs. The light of the tiki torches revealed a gleam of mischief in his gorgeous amber eyes.  
  
'Business is going quite well,' thought Tamahome, when he heard a tremendous shout.  
"REKKA.... SHINEN!!!!!!" FWOOSH!!!! A pillar of flame shot skyward from across the street. Everybody within ninety yards turned to look. Tamahome saw a flash of Tasuki's daredevil grin before the outlaw hit the music. Tasuki's theme song boomed out as he began to juggle his flaming tessen and three tiki torches. The crowd gasped in amazement as he twirled the flaming objects behind his back, and with a whoosh, Tamahome's audience had disappeared.  
"That- that- aarrrgghh!" yelled Tamahome in anger. "Why does everyone seem set to piss me off today?!" Which reminded him of his problem with Miaka.  
'That girl,' he thought. 'I have a thing or two to discuss with her.' Casting a last death glare at Tasuki, who was juggling with his eyes shut while he stood on one leg, Tamahome gathered up his money and headed toward the Ala Moana Hotel.  
  
* * *  
  
Notes: Hey wow, that one was a bit longer than the other ones, I think! FYI, most of the experiences described in this chapter are based on things that I actually witnessed or took part in while cruising Waikiki - hot tessen-juggling seishi excepted, of course! 


	5. In Which Tamahome Wants to Know What the...

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yûgi. I especially do not own the characters Tamahome and Miaka. If I did, I would probably beat them senseless, tie them together, and lock them in the Bad Closet with the Scary Vacuum Cleaner and the Dust Bunnies until they promise not to have big dramatic break-ups and make-ups every five minutes.  
  
Warnings: While reading this chapter, you may feel the irresistible urge to beat your head against your keyboard, monitor, desk, or wall, due to extreme sap and Miaka/Tamahome relationship stupidity. Also, mild Miaka bashing (you know the drill).  
  
CHAPTER FIVE: IN WHICH TAMAHOME WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON  
  
"Just what the hell is going on, Miaka?!" asked Tamahome, angry, hurt, and confused.  
On returning to the hotel, Tamahome had found Mitsukake passed out on his bed, and decided it was a good time to talk to Miaka about why she had been avoiding him. He had burst into her room without knocking, saying, "Miaka, we have to talk!" He had waited, hands on his hips, for Miaka to stop choking.  
Miaka had been sitting around in her underwear and- surprise!- stuffing her face. "Talk about what?" she had asked, her eyes wide in an attempt at innocence.  
Which brings us back to the beginning of the chapter.  
"Just what the hell is going on, Miaka?!" asked Tamahome, angry, hurt, and confused.  
"What do you mean?" she asked, acting dumb- or maybe not acting. She couldn't bring herself to say his name.  
"You've been avoiding me all day! Why?"  
Miaka dropped her eyes to the floor, unwilling to meet his piercing gaze. 'Oh, he's so handsome when he's angry,' she thought.  
"Miaka, look at me!" demanded Tamahome, lifting her chin up sharply. "Now answer my question. Why are you avoiding me?"  
Miaka's eyes filled with tears. "I...." She shook her head. She couldn't lie to him. "We have to end it, Tamahome!"  
He drew his hand back with a hiss of shock. He blinked, unbelieving. "What?"  
"We can't be together Tamahome! I can't love you!" Miaka burst into tears.  
Tamahome was crushed. "Why not?" he asked.  
Miaka looked away. "Because... because you're not real! You're just a fictional character! I can't be in love with someone who doesn't exist! I thought it would be easier on the both of us if I just started avoiding you."  
'Oh right,' thought Tamahome, 'it's real easy for me when you suddenly begin ignoring me without telling me why.' He sighed. "Miaka, if I'm not a real person, why should you worry about my feelings?"  
"Oh!" exclaimed Miaka. "You're right! What if I just told you I hate you?"  
"Miaka!" exclaimed Tamahome, exasperated. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her, lightly. "Do you have feelings for me?"  
She bit her lip, avoiding his eyes. 'Just say no, Miaka!'  
"Miaka!" He shook her again. "Yes or no? And don't lie to me!"  
She looked into his eyes, tears streaming from her own. "Yes," she breathed.  
He pushed her roughly onto the bed, holding her down. (Why does he always do that, anyway?)  
"Tamahome!" shrieked Miaka, struggling feebly. "What are you doing? Let me go!"  
"No, Miaka!" he replied. "I will never let you go! Believe me when I say I have feelings for you. I love you more deeply than I ever thought possible. It hurts when you push me away like this. I know I'm a real person, and I know I have feelings, because otherwise it wouldn't hurt so much. I may come from a very different kind of world from yours, Miaka, but I love you, and I have to make you believe it! I love you, Miaka, I always have, and I will marry you some day, and we'll always be together!"  
Tamahome paused for second. As he spoke, the symbol on his forehead had begun to glow with a red light.  
"Do you know what this symbol on my forehead means?"  
"No, what does it mean?"  
"I don't know, why do you think I was asking you? Anyway, I only have it because I'm a Celestial Warrior of Suzaku, sworn to protect the Priestess of Suzaku. So basically, I only exist because you do. Without you I'm nothing. If you leave me, you'll take away part of my soul, and then I really will be a nobody. Please, Miaka, I swear I'll always protect you, just don't ever leave me!"  
Miaka was silent for a long moment. Her eyes filled with tears, and she flung her arms around his neck. "Oh, Tamahome!"  
Tamahome hugged her back, his eyes wet with unshed tears. "Miaka!"  
"Tamahome."  
"Miaka."  
They lay on the bed for a blissful eternity, reminding each other what their name was.  
  
* * *  
  
Notes: Well, hey, I apologize for that chapter, but you know it was necessary. I mean, it wouldn't be Fushigi Yûgi without all the Tamahome/Miaka drama. Ye gods, they make me so exasperated! They do this all the time! One of them comes up with some lame reason to dump the other, and then they are all sobby and angsty about it for awhile. Then there's the angry confrontation, followed by the tearful make-up where they tell each other that they'll never leave each other again. Rinse and repeat. I want to bash their heads together! Miaka's whole "oh my god, he's just a book character, he doesn't exist" trip really irks me. He's just as real as anyone; he just happens to live in another world/universe/dimension/plane of existence.  
Ehehehe... okay, enough ranting. Toodles! 


	6. In Which Our Heroes Hang Ten, Dude

Hey y'all! Welcome back to the story! This chapter is my personal favorite. Writing in pidgin is fun! Woohoo!  
  
Disclaimer: No hablo espanol. Y no owno Fushigi Yûgi. Comprende?  
  
Warnings: Shameless bashing of Miaka. Shameless bashing of Waikiki surf. Shameless description of activities that the author really knows nothing about. Weird side notes about dreams. Heavy usage of Hawaiian pidgin English. For those of you who actually understand pidgin, I apologize if it sounds cheesey. I'm hauole; it can't be helped. Plus, it's harder to write pidgin than talk pidgin.  
  
CHAPTER 6: IN WHICH OUR HEROES HANG TEN, DUDE  
  
Tamahome was having pleasant dreams. Well, pleasant to him anyway. I'm not going to tell you about them, because they were about Miaka, and I really don't think you want to hear it.  
Well anyway, the point is Tamahome was having very pleasant dreams, until Tasuki slapped him upside the head.  
"Yo, wake up stupid'ead!"  
"OOOWWW!!!! What the hell was that for?"  
Tasuki frowned darkly at him, his arms crossed in front of him. "While the rest of the $^&*ing group was out lookin' for &*$%ing ice cream, they decided to sign us all up for &^#$ING SURFING LESSONS! Miaka thinks it's a great idea, and Hotohori says we all have to go an' that's an order! So we all hafta wake up &^&*ING EARLY IN THE %*#$ING MORNING to go learn how to !^@!ING SURF!!!!" Tasuki began to sulk.  
Tamahome began to grumble about not getting enough sleep, but Miaka skipped into the room wearing a black bikini. (Why black? Why a bikini? I have no idea why, but at this point I had a flash memory to a certain dream involving a giant potato. LOL, DJ Fuminshou!)  
("GET ON WITH THE FREAKING STORY!" shout the readers. "WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR GIANT POTATO!")  
"Oooh, this is so exciting! Isn't this great Tamahome? I'm so thrilled! I get to wear my brand new bathing suit!"  
Tamahome rapidly got out of bed, agreeing emphatically that this was definitely great.  
  
Within an hour, the whole group was gathered on the sands of Waikiki in the shadow of the statue of Duke Kahanamoku. Tamahome was wearing red swim trunks and ogling Miaka, who was muttering something about a pervert. Chichiri was wearing swim trunks the same blue as his hair. Chiriko had found a white surfer's wet suit. Mitsukake was wearing black surf shorts with a green and gold chinese dragon on the side of each leg. He was also wearing neon pink goggles and slathering himself with SPF 50 sunscreen.  
"Musn't burn," he was muttering. "Musn't get skin cancer."  
Chiriko gazed up at him curiously. "Why the goggles, Mitsukake?"  
Mitsukake stopped and stared at him. "You're kidding, right?" he asked after a pause. "The ocean is full of bacteria. I don't want to get an eye infection."  
"Don't ya think yer gettin' kinda obsessive about the whole #$%^ing health thing, Mitsukake?" interjected Tasuki. "I mean, can't ya just heal yerself? Isn't that yer *!%%ING JOB!?"  
Tasuki was in black surf shorts with red and orange flames (well, DUH!), and he was very pissed off.  
"Awww, don't you look cute, Tasuki-chan!" exclaimed Nuriko. "But you're even cuter, Hotohori-sama!" Nuriko immediately latched onto his arm. Nuriko was wearing a black speedo (eek!). So was Hotohori (EEK!).  
"Isn't it great how we match, Hotohori-sama?" gushed the cross- dresser, batting his long eyelashes at the emperor. "Do you think that means something?"  
Hotohori tried to ignore him, and was busy fretting over what the salt water would do to his hair.  
Tasuki was just considering sneaking off when the surfing instructor arrived. He was a tanned, cheerful looking man in his forties, Hawaiian- Japanese, with salt-and-pepper hair, faded black surf shorts, large white teeth, and a face creased and wrinkled by salt, sun, and smiles. (Precise enough for ya? I think he embodies the sterotypical Hawaiian surf instructor dude.)  
"A - loha, bruddahs an' sistah! I apologize for my latefulness, but you touris' types should know dat hea in da Islands, we all on Hawaiian Time li' dat! My name is Kimo Kanahele, but please call me da kine, Bruddah Kimo."  
"Kimo..." said Chiriko, eager to impress, "the Hawaiian language approximation of the English name 'James,' is it not?"  
Kimo reached down and tousled his hair. "Ho, da akamai, yeah? Whas' yo name?"  
"Chiriko, Kimo-san."  
"'Chiriko,' huh? Well I goin' call you 'Menehune Man,' 'cause o' yo' smahts."  
"Menehune..." mused Chiriko, "a race of mysterious night-people in Hawaiian myths and legends. Diminuative, yet intelligent, ingenious, and industrious." He smiled up at Kimo. "That is acceptable."  
Kimo grinned, slapping him on the back. "Hokay den, brah. Les' get to da fun stuffs." He grinned even more widely, if possible, and addressed his crowd of disciples. "We's gathered hea today in da presence a' Da Duke," and he gestured at the statue, "to learn da sacred Hawaiian aht, das' known as he'enalu, or-" and here he took a deep breath, and breathed out the word, "-surfing." He clapped his hands together and gazed around at the group. "Hokay den, les' all go to my truck and get da kine."  
Kimo led the way to his battered, rusted, and stained white pickup truck. He distributed surfboards amongst the Suzaku seishi (and Miko). First he taught them how to wax and care for the board. Then, still on the sand, he made them practice paddling to catch a wave, and how to stand up on the surfboard. He described to them how to choose a wave.  
"Hokay den," he exclaimed, finally, "I tink you guys is as ready as you gonna get. Is time to go in da ocean. But first," and he held up a warning finger, "first we goin' pray. I no care who you pray to, wedda is Hina, or Kanaloa, or Da Duke, or da Great Akua, or da kine, but you betta' go pray or da ocean stay waitin' to chew you up and spit you out."  
Everyone knelt in the sand. 'What are the chances Miaka's bikini top will come undone?' asked Tamahome.  
Miaka was frowning. 'Tamahome's such a pervert, staring at me like that', she thought. 'I hope he eats sand, that oaf!'  
'I pray that the #%^&ing water dries up, dammit!' thought Tasuki. 'Dammit, Suzaku! What'd I ever do ta deserve this!?!'  
"Hokay!" exclaimed Kimo, standing up and dusting off his hands. "We's ready! Who goin' go first?"  
Chichiri leapt to his feet, jumping up and down excitedly. "Ooh ooh ooh, me first no da!"  
The local chuckled good naturedly. "Hokay den, brah, show us your stuffs."  
Chichiri ran eagerly over to his board and splashed out into the waves (if you can call those puny Waikiki ripples "waves"). He paddled out to deeper water, turned to face the shore, and waited, floating gently. When a large- er, relatively large- set came, he expertly chose a wave and began paddling swiftly and smoothly toward shore. As the wave rose beneath him, he rose effortlessly to his feet, and within seconds he was surfing like a pro- if professional surfers surfed Waikiki. Which they don't.  
The monk glided easily up to the shore, a huge grin on his face as he sprang briskly off of his board into the foot-deep water. "That was so cool no da! Can I do it again no da?"  
"Maika'i, maika'i, very good!" exclaimed Kimo, clapping his hands. "Who's next?"  
"I'll go," volunteered Tamahome. "It looks easier than I thought. This should be a piece of cake."  
Thinking proudly of how impressed Miaka would be, the warrior paddled swiftly out from shore, cutting through the water like he was made for the ocean. He waited patiently, chose a wave, and headed for shore with strong, powerful strokes.  
'Oooh, look at his muscles!' thought Miaka.  
At the right moment, Tamahome stood up- just a tad too swiftly. The board shot out from under him immediately, dunking him ungracefully under the water. He came up spluttering amid roars of laughter from the shore. Miaka was rolling on the sand, and tears were coming from her eyes.  
"Hey, give me a break!" he shouted, his face turning red. "It's only my first try!"  
"Let a Priestess show you how it's done," said Miaka when Tamahome returned to the sand. She paddled out, blah blah blah, you get the picture, and stood up. She wobbled unsteadily, but she was surfing! A huge stupid grin lit up her otherwise dull face. She caught a colorful flash out of the corner of her eye. 'Oooh, a fish!' Her stomach growled loudly. With a sudden lurch, she fell with a kersplash! into the water, swallowing some in the process.  
One by one, the Suzaku seishi gave it a try, with varied success. Besides Chichiri, only Hotohori and Chiriko managed not to get dunked. Eventually, everyone had gone once... except for Tasuki.  
As a sodden, giggling Nuriko waded out of the water, everyone turned to the reluctant bandit expectantly. Tasuki was sitting on the sand, well away from the water, hugging his knees, his eyes tightly shut. Chiriko crept up to him and peered into his face, concerned.  
"Tasuki-san," he said softly, "your face looks kind of green."  
Mitsukake knelt next to him and touched his arm. "His skin is clammy." He shook Tasuki slightly. "Come on Tasuki, it's your turn."  
"AH DON' WANNA GO!" wailed the outlaw. (Awwww....)  
"He's shivering!" exclaimed Miaka, frowning with concern. She sat down next to him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, Tasuki. You don't have to go if you really don't want to."  
"Yeah," smirked Tamahome, "you can go wait for us at the hotel if you're too scared."  
Tasuki opened his eyes and glared at Tamahome. "Go ta hell," he snarled.  
"Tamahome, shut up!" snapped Miaka. "Tasuki, don't listen to him. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."  
"Nah, I'll do it, I'll do it." He rose heavily to his feet, taking a deep breath. He shot a challenging scowl at Tamahome, then walked purposefully toward his board, like a man going into battle. Picking it up, he stood uncertainly at the tideline.  
Kimo slapped him on the shoulder encouragingly. "Eh, no worries, brah. You'll do fine."  
Tasuki looked unconvinced. 'Save me Suzaku....' He walked to the waters edge and stuck a toe in. "Eeeek!" he cried, jerking back.  
"What's wrong?" shouted Nuriko. "The water's warm!"  
"Exactly!"  
"Well what did you expect?"  
Tasuki closed his eyes in misery. "I don't know!" Before he could change his mind, he ran into the water and began to paddle.  
"Eh, brah, try open yo' eyes! Stay kinda hard ta surf wen dey stay close'!"  
Tasuki chose a wave and paddled towards shore. He stood up, teetered, and stood straight. 'Oh thank Suzaku!' he had time to think, before the board shot straight up in the air, dumping him. They say what goes up must come down, and the surfboard did... on Tasuki's head, knocking him unconscious.  
"Eeeekkk!!! Somebody save him!" shrieked Miaka.  
Kimo paddled out swiftly and hauled him to shore, his face now creased with worry. Tasuki's companions clustered about him anxiously.  
"DO SOMETHING MITSUKAKE!!" screeched the Miko.  
Mitsukake glanced at the prone form and shrugged. "There's nothing I can do."  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?!?!?! YOU'RE A HEALER!!!!!!"  
"I can't heal him. There's nothing wrong with him."  
"NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM?!?!?!? HE'S NOT BREATHING!!!!!"  
"Wait, I have an idea," said Chiriko. He knelt by Tasuki's ear. "Mouth to mouth resuscitation..." he whispered.  
No response.  
"... Administered by Mitsukake..."  
Tasuki lay still.  
"... Administered by Miaka?"  
Tasuki choked loudly, exploding into a fit of coughing. Chiriko looked pleased with himself. Miaka frowned darkly.  
The bandit sat up, gasping for breath. "!#$%!!!!" he screamed. "THIS IS #%^$ING CRAZY!!! I COULD HAVE DIED!!!"  
Miaka, who has a really short memory, was ecstatic. "TASUKI, YOU'RE ALIVE!" she shouted as she hugged him.  
"No !*!@, it should be !%^*ing obvious," he grumbled.  
Kimo looked relieved. "Eh, brah, thanks to goodness you stay okay. If you died, I woulda' had ta give yo' buddies one refund!" He winked at the soggy Warrior.  
Tasuki rolled his eyes. "Ha ha, very funny. See how hard I laugh." He coughed a couple times and struggled to his feet.  
"Well den," said the native, clapping his hands together, "one nuddah crisis averted. Now that I seen what each of yous can do, le's all get in da waddah togeddah an' practice some moa'.... Excep' maybe fo' you," he added, looking at Tasuki. "I no t'ink da waddah agrees wit' you."  
Out of the corner of his eye, Tasuki saw Tamahome smirk and open his mouth to make another snide comment. "No!" he burst out. He crossed his arms and raised his chin, scowling darkly. "I ain't afraid a' nothin'! I ain't gonna let no stinkin' ocean beat me!" He stepped briskly toward the ocean to retrieve his board. (Ohhhhhh! He's so brave!)  
Kimo grinned. "Eh, you heard da guy! Le's go surf!"  
Everyone grabbed their boards and plunged into the ocean. As Tasuki waded through the shallows, Tamahome raced past him, splashing him with water and sand.  
"Watch me, flameboy," he taunted, "I'll show you how to surf."  
"Hello, meat head," retorted Tasuki, "you were th' first one dunked!"  
The group practiced in the warm sunshine, catching waves sometimes, getting dunked more often than not. An unusually large swell came up (Say, three feet? This is Waikiki, remember?), and Tasuki and Tamahome both caught it.  
"Hey, watch this!" shouted Tamahome. He made a quick movement, cutting across the wave. He reached down and touched the water for a moment, before he lost balance and plunged headfirst into the ocean.  
Tasuki grinned evilly as an idea came to him. He shifted his weight so that his board shot into the air, dumping him. A moment after Tamahome surfaced, spluttering, the flying surfboard contacted his head.  
"HEY!!" he yelled, after resurfacing, "Cut it out!"  
"BWAHAHAHAHA- ! I mean, whoops, I'm sorry! I musta' slipped!"  
"Hokay, everyone!" shouted Kimo after a couple hours of surfing. "You guys did awesome! I goin' go now; I gots to go teach some uddah peoples how ta surf. Maybe I see ya laters bumbye. Take care, a'ight?"  
The group returned their surfboards to Kimo and headed to the shade. Miaka's stomach growled loudly. "Lunchtime!" she exclaimed, cheerfully.  
Chiriko opened a cooler and passed out the sandwiches. He frowned at his. It appeared to consist only of two slices of bread. He lifted the top slice to find half of a slice of bologna. "This is not enough. I require more nourishment," he complained.  
Nuriko eyed his own tiny portion with distaste and disbelief. "Yeah, who was in charge of making sandwiches?"  
Tamahome blinked. "Umm, Miaka was."  
Everyone turned to stare at Suzaku no Miko. Miaka was pulling her lunch out of her own cooler. Her sandwich was piled high with bologna, ham, turkey, chicken, pastrami, salami, lettuce, tomato, pickles, olives, cheddar, mozzarella, and Swiss. It was bigger than her head. The Priestess opened her mouth wide and was about to take a bite when she noticed everyone staring at her.  
"Huh? What's wrong?"  
Nuriko snorted. "Oh yeah, like you don't know."  
Tasuki ground his teeth together. "Miaka-! What's with th' puny sandwiches?!"  
The Miko blinked innocently. "I'm sorry. I made my sandwich first, and when I was done, there weren't enough ingredients left." She creased her brow seriously. "That was very irresponsible. Who was in charge of shopping?"  
Everyone sweatdropped.  
* * *  
  
Notes: Whoo! That was a long chapter! Unfortunately, I think it calls for some long notes. Je suis vraiment dèsolé. I am truly sorry.  
  
Potato Dream: Just so you know how weird I am, when I was trying to think of what Miaka's swimsuit looked like, I suddenly remembered a dream that a friend of mine, Arwen Alatariell, had a couple years ago and told me about. My friends and I were standing in a sewer, chest deep in icky brown water. Arwen wanted me to dive down and pull the plug to drain the water, but I was afraid to because of the Evil Garden Gnomes and the Giant Potato. DJ Fuminshou called to us from above, and asked what was going on. We looked up, and she was standing at the side of the sewer, dressed in a black bikini. Only those of you who know DJ Fuminshou know how truly bizarre this concept is. Later in the dream, I fought the Giant Potato, dressed as a knight in shining armor and stabbing it aggressively with a plastic knife.  
  
Pronunciation of Hawaiian Words: In Hawaiian, each syllable ends with a vowel, and the vowels use the short sounds (like Spanish.) So, they're not pronounced "ay ee ai oh you," but "ah ay ee oh oo." Get it? The words are punctuated with little backwards apostrophes ('okina), denoting a glottal stop, as in the word "uh-oh." In the absence of an 'okina, vowels are combined ("a'e" is pronounced "ah-ay", but "ae" is pronounced like the word "I"). There's another mark called a kahako that lengthens certain vowels, but you can't find it on any keyboard, so you can ignore it. Also, the letter "W" can be pronounced like a "V," depending on your dialect. Get it? For the record, "Hawai'i" is pronounced "Ha-vai-ee."  
  
Surfing: Okay, for those of you who surf at Waikiki, don't kill me. I don't actually surf at all. All of my surfing knowledge comes from watching others and from teaching myself to bodysurf. It's just that, being from a Neighbor Island, I have a contempt for Waikiki. Also, the waves *are* puny, aren't they? I like to swim in rougher water. Like Polihale. *Also*, it should be noted that there is no way in hell that anyone could possibly learn to surf in one day. Forget getting dunked, there's no way that you could even get close to standing up. For the purposes of the story, let's just say that Suzaku is the god of Love, Passion, and Magical Surfing Powers, and his seishi and miko are therefore endowed with the appropriate skills. 'Kay? Happy now, Kuro no Hoshi? So ya don't have to wallop me now, right?  
  
Pidgin English: In Hawaii, people from many different countries worked together in the sugar cane fields, so pidgin was developed as a hybrid of all languages, so the workers could understand each other. If you pronounce it phonetically, you should be able to get most of it. Words like "to" and "it" are often deleted, and sometimes words are added where they aren't really needed, like "li' dat" or "bumbye." "One" is used in place of "a." "Stay" is used in place of "is," "are," or "it is."  
  
Hawaiian/Pidgin Glossary:  
  
li'dat - Literally, "like that." Basically, it's just added in there for no good reason. Kind of like "no da," right?  
  
da kine - Literally, "the kind." This word is used when both parties know what is being talked about, so the actual word does not need to be said. For some reason, non-locals have trouble with this concept.  
  
akamai - "Smart."  
  
brah - Basically short for "braddah" or "brother." Everyone in Hawaii is "brah," "tita," "uncle," or "auntie."  
  
maika'i - "Very good."  
  
bumbye - Another useless word. Implies something that will happen in the future. Probably derived from "bye and bye."  
  
hauole - Literally, "no breath." The Europeans who made first contact with Hawaiians ate different foods from the locals, so their breath smelled different. The word came to mean "foreigner," but now refers only to white people, like me. ^_^ It can be an insult, or just a simple adjective or noun.  
  
he'enalu - Literally, "wave rider" or "wave riding." Surfing. Ya. Surfing was the sport of Hawaiian kings and queens, who rode big, heavy, wooden longboards. If you caught the same wave as a member of the royalty, you were killed. If you didn't know surfing was invented in Hawaii, shame on you.  
  
Duke Kahanamoku - One of Hawaii's greatest heroes. He is a surf legend, a longboarder who traveled the world and taught people how to surf. I met a surfer in Tasmania who talked about him like he was a god. Duke was also an Olympic swimming champion. And yes, there is a statue of him in Waikiki. Also, commemorative stamps! If you are Hawaii born and/or a surfer, and you don't know who Duke is, you should be ashamed of yourself.  
  
Hina - One of the Hawaiian goddesses. The gods and goddesses all had gazillions of names and different incarnations, but in this case I am referring to Hina of the Sea.  
  
Kanaloa - One of the four principle Hawaiian gods, Ku, Kane, Kanaloa, and Lono. Kanaloa was associated with the ocean.  
  
Great Akua - The local name for the Christian God. "Akua" is literally "ghost" or "spirit."  
  
Hawaiian Time - In Hawaii, there is no such thing as "prompt" or "punctual." If you say, "Be there at 5," consider yourself lucky if 80% of your guests show up by 5:30.  
  
Whew! That's a lot of explanations! The rest you should be able to figure out. Like "menehune." I'm not explaining that one twice. 


	7. In Which Tasuki Makes Some New Friends

Eh heh... sorry to leave this story for so long. Oh well. On to a new island! Are we excited?  
  
Disclaimer: Uh, me no own FY or any characters from said anime series. Me no own Aloha Airlines. Me no own Outside magazine or any of the articles from said magazine. I do, however, own the characters Zolac no Miko and Corpse.  
  
Corpse: Screw you, I'm not your property! Zolac no Miko: -_-()  
  
Warnings: Shameless insertion of author and author's close personal friend into story! And, um, reckless exaggerations? And use of the word "crappy" in a PG story! Gasp!  
  
CHAPTER 7: IN WHICH TASUKI MAKES SOME NEW FRIENDS  
  
"WOOHOO!!!! WE'RE GOIN' TO KAUA`I!!!!" bellowed Tasuki. It was early the next morning, and the whole group was at the Honolulu International Airport, standing in line to check in.  
"Please, lower your volume Tasuki-san," requested Chiriko anxiously. "Everyone is staring."  
"And this is a bad thing?" interjected Nuriko, preening under all the attention.  
"What is he so excited about?" wondered Miaka. "Last time he was on a plane he was so sick he wanted to die."  
"Won't happen this time," said Mitsukake. "I gave him some medicine."  
"We hope you took some as well," commented Hotohori. "You weren't exactly Mr. Iron Stomach either."  
Mitsukake just grunted.  
"Next in line please!^_^" said the cheerful check in lady.  
"Eight for Lihue no da."  
"Okay! I'm going to need to see some id!^_^" She peered at the eight passports closely, smiling brightly the whole time. "Okay! How many bags?!^_^"  
"Fourteen no da."  
"Oh my, and they're really big too! They look heavy!^_^"  
"They are," growled Tamahome, who had to carry his and Miaka's.  
"Okay, here are your tickets! Take your bags down there to the x-ray machine! Have a nice trip!^_^"  
The Suzaku Warriors and Miko stared incredulously at the other side of the very big room, where the x-ray was.  
"That's like a mile away!" complained Tasuki.  
"Oh sir! That reminds me! Your ticket is marked for a random search! Please give your suitcase to the nice gentlemen here!^_^"  
The outlaw stared with wide eyes at two very large, very unfriendly looking men in security uniforms standing off to the side.  
"Put your bag on the table, sir," said one of them, scowling darkly.  
Nuriko touched Tasuki's shoulder, smiling. "Better do what they want; they look like they mean business. We're going to get started dragging the bags to the x-ray. We'll wait for you there, okay?"  
Tasuki put his bag on the table. The first man began unzipping it. "What's th' point of-"  
"WE'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE!!!" shouted the second man. He cleared his throat. "Okay. I'm going to ask you a few questions, while Joe here goes through all of your personal stuff."  
"It's not like I enjoy it," said Joe. "It's just that it's my job." He held up a pair of happy face boxers. "Nice underwear."  
"Hey-!"  
"PAY ATTENTION!!" shrieked the second man. "Did you pack this bag yourself?"  
"Yeah."  
"Did you let it out of your sight at any time?"  
"No."  
"Did any stranger ask you to carry something in your bag?"  
"No."  
"Are you a terrorist?"  
Tasuki looked confused. "What?"  
"ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!"  
"No!"  
"YOU'RE REFUSING TO ANSWER THE QUESTION?!?!"  
"No, I'm sayin' no, I'm not a @%%^ing terrorist!!"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Of course I'm sure! Do I look like a !*%^ing terrorist to you?!"  
"Show me your hands."  
"Why?"  
"SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!!!"  
Tasuki quickly put his hands out. The security guy swiped them with a white cloth.  
"What's that for?" asked Tasuki.  
"Are you a drug dealer?"  
"No!"  
"Ha ha! You're getting a little excited there! You must be guilty!"  
"I'm not excited, and I'm not a drug dealer!"  
The man waved the white cloth in Tasuki's face. "Don't worry, we'll know soon enough if you're lying." He cackled evilly.  
"Okay, I'm done," said Joe. He was zipping up the suitcase. "Make sure you show them your ticket at the gate. They'll want to check you and your carry on."  
Joe was still holding Tasuki's underwear. "Hey!" shouted the bandit. "What are you doin' with those?"  
Joe scowled. "I'm confiscating them."  
"What the- Why?!"  
He crossed his arms. "They look suspicious."  
"Okay, okay," said the other man, giving the outraged bandit a shove toward the x-ray machine, "we're done here. Now go take your suitcase and get it x-rayed. Remember, we'll be watching you. I don't wanna see nobody touching that suitcase but you until you get there, got it? Can't have you handing it off to your accomplice."  
Tasuki dragged his suitcase across the room to get it x-rayed, still fuming. He joined the others, and they all walked back across the immense room to go through security. Everyone got through without a hitch... except for Tasuki.  
"Excuse me sir, is this your bag?" asked a security lady."  
"Yeah, what about it?"  
"I'm just going to open it and go through your stuff."  
He rolled his eyes. "Sure, go right ahead. It seems to be the fad nowadays."  
The lady rummaged through his carry on. "Aha!" she exclaimed, holding up a metal object. "I know there's a rule against this!"  
Tasuki stared, incredulous. "Tweezers!?!?" he exploded.  
The lady turned to another lady. "You could poke someone's eye out with this, right?"  
The other lady looked at a sheet of paper and shook her head. "Naw, tweezers aren't on the list."  
"Oh." The first lady looked disappointed and rummaged through the bag some more. "What about nail clippers?" she asked, hopefully.  
The other lady shook her head again. "Nope."  
"Oh. Well, thanks for your patience!" she said, smiling at Tasuki and handing his bag back.  
  
"Aloha Airlines Flight 119 for Lihue, Kaua`i now boarding at Gate 49," said the oh-so-pleasant intercom voice.  
"See you on the plane, Tasuki!" said Miaka brightly, handing in her ticket and disappearing into the gate. The outlaw crossed his arms and glowered as his friends all boarded without him. He stood impatiently as the security guards at the gate dumped the contents of his carry-on onto a table, waved a metal detector over him, patted him down, and tested everything for drugs.  
"Okay sir, you're free to go," said the man who had searched Tasuki's bag. He stood by the table, staring off into space with a pleasantly bored smile, as the redhead dumped all of his belongings back into the bag.  
"It's about !#%^ing time," he grumbled as he entered the gate. He was the last person on the plane.  
Hotohori had managed to get himself a first-class seat. "Ah, Tasuki- san! Did you get through security okay?"  
Tasuki was sulking. "After all that, they took my !*%&ing tweezers anyway," he grumbled.  
The emperor spied the tessen in its usual spot on Tasuki's back. "Why didn't they take your tessen?"  
The bandit smiled at the irony, showing his fangs. "They said it didn't look dangerous."  
"They didn't take our sword either. They didn't even ask about it. Isn't that strange?"  
Tasuki shook his head with disgust. "Stupid Americans."  
"Sir?" A stewardess hovered at the bandit's shoulder. "There's only one seat left, in the back of the plane. If you will please go and sit down...?"  
Tasuki walked to the very back row. A small teenage girl with blue eyes and very long blonde hair was sitting in the window seat. A skinny Japanese girl with brown eyes and dark brown hair was in the aisle seat. The middle seat was open.  
Tasuki stared at them. They smiled pleasantly back. He shut his eyes and moaned, despairing. Stuck on a stupid plane between two women? Oh Suzaku, this is the last thing I need! He looked hopefully at the Japanese girl, but she gave no sign of moving over. He sighed, shoved his bag into the overhead compartment, and squeezed past her.  
As the plane started to taxi out to the runway, the oriental girl leaned forward and looked at the other girl. She glanced pointedly at the bandit, wiggled her eyebrows and smiled. The blonde nodded, put her hand on her heart, rolled her eyes upwards and fluttered her eyelashes, sighing. Then they both burst out giggling.  
Tasuki was feeling very alarmed.  
The blonde looked at her friend. "Heebie-heebie," she said.  
The brunette smiled. "Muha."  
The blonde grinned, nodding. "Muha," she agreed. They giggled again.  
Tasuki shut his eyes tight. Suzaku save me!  
The plane took off into the sky, roaring. As it began to level off, one of the stewardesses came on the intercom. "Welcome to Aloha Airlines Flight 119. In a few minutes we'll begin our complimentary beverage service. The choices today are tropical punch, Coca-Cola, and milk. For five dollars you may chose from a selection of wine and beer."  
"Milk?" asked the brunette. "Since when do they serve milk? That's kind of weird."  
A stewardess paused in the aisle next to them, holding a tray. "Would you like anything?" Tasuki shook his head.  
"Coca-Cola," said the brunette.  
"Milk," requested the blonde.  
Tasuki paled.  
She stared at him with wide blue eyes. "Hey, you sure you don't want anything? It's free."  
He shook his head.  
She shrugged. "If you change your mind, you can have some of my milk."  
He winced. "I-I- I don't like milk."  
"Oh, so you do talk! It's too bad about the milk thing. Milk is really very good for you. It gives you strong bones. Don't you want strong bones? Are you a visitor to Hawaii? Is this your first trip to Kaua`i? I live here. I mean, not here, but on the Big Island. It's actually the island of Hawai`i, but that's kind of confusing 'cuz that's the name of the state. Anyway, I visit Kaua`i all the time. This is the first time without my parents, though. It's really a very nice place. I think you'll like it there. What's your name? Where are you from? Where are you staying? How long are you staying? Did you come with a group?" She paused to take a breath.  
"M' name's Tasuki," he said quickly, before she could say anything else. "I'm from Japan... well, sort of. I was born in China, but I'm travellin' from Tokyo with a group a' friends. We're kinda doin' a tour of the islands, so we're only on Kaua`i a few days."  
"Tasuki, huh? That's a really really really cool name. Not like my name. My name is really really really boring." She blinked at him with wide blue eyes.  
The bandit sighed. "Um... what is your name."  
The girl frowned. "I can't tell you that. My mom told me not to give my name to strangers. I'm not going to disobey her because I don't want to break her trust and I don't see any reason to anyway." She thought a moment, and then brightened. "I know! I can make up a name and you can call me that instead! Isn't that a great idea? My name will be Zolac no Miko, and you can call her Corpse." She gestured to the oriental girl on Tasuki's left.  
"No!" she cried, indignantly. "I hate that name! Don't call me that!"  
The blonde sighed, rolling her eyes. "Fine then, think of your own name."  
"Thank you," said her friend sarcastically. "My name will be... um... I guess... uh... I'll be... er... yeah, Corpse is good."  
Zolac no Miko snorted, taking a sip of her milk.  
Tasuki frowned, confused. "So, um, what's with-"  
Corpse gasped, her eyes widening. "No! Don't!"  
But it was too late. "-th' names?" he finished.  
Corpse slapped her forehead. "Dammit, you've started her off again."  
Zolac no Miko took a deep breath. "Well, Zolac is the God of Dead Ecotourists. It all started when my mom found this article in Outside magazine about creative ways to get yourself out of problems while on vacation. Like one of them, the problem was that your guide, who seemed normal three days ago, is now foaming at the mouth and stealing your tent poles to build an altar to Zolac, the God of Dead Ecotourists. And it tells you a funny way to solve this. The whole article is like this, and I thought it was funny, so I created this whole thing about Zolac using elements from the article. I tried to draw Zolac as a cartoon of a human skull with antlers, but because I'm such a crappy artist it came out completely random but it looked cool anyway and I liked it. So I made up this thing that Zolac is the God of Dead Ecotourists, God-King of Hostilistan, Keeper of the Holy Words: Je Suis Canadien, Copious Amounts of Gu, and Uncoverable Oozing Lesions. And I said that I was the the High- Priestess of Zolac, and then I got into Fushigi Yûgi, and I changed it to the Priestess of Zolac, or Zolac no Miko, and I-" She stopped suddenly, blinking.  
"Wait a minute...." She looked at Tasuki, frowning. Suddenly her lightbulb went on. "Hey! I know you! You're Tasuki from Fushigi Yûgi! Aren't you? Of course you are! There's only one Tasuki! Which means the rest of you are here too. Oh wow, how cool! You're going to have to introduce me to everyone! Anyway, Corpse got her name (Tasuki felt dizzy from the sudden change in topic.) 'cuz we were doing this horror movie in freshman year for our English class called "Shadow Man," except it wasn't very scary and we made a lot of mistakes and it kinda sucked. Well anyway we had to do this scene where we drag this corpse into a closet, and she was the lightest and easiest to drag, so we wrapped her in a white sheet with blood on it and dragged her into the closet. And she couldn't stop laughing, and she looked really funny, 'cuz all you can see is this big white thing jiggling, and then the director said, 'Corpse be jiggling!' and everybody laughed, and then- Hey look, Kaua`i!" She glued her face to the window and shut up.  
Corpse and Tasuki sighed in relief. Tasuki decided to talk to Corpse rather than risk reawakening The Mouth.  
"Um, why is she so weird?"  
Corpse sighed. "Not weird. This is normal for her."  
  
The bandit raised an eyebrow. "She's always like this?" he asked, unbelieving.  
"Yep. Afraid so."  
His eyes widened. "Gods." He was silent for a moment. "What, does she have ADD or somethin'?"  
Corpse shook her head. "Nah. The sad thing is, she's actually like this genius or something. She gets all A's in school."  
Tasuki glanced at the oblivious blonde, who was staring at the ocean with wide eyes, her face pressed against the plastic. He shook his head. "Huh. Go figure."  
  
* * *  
  
Notes: Ne, just so you know.... The character Zolac no Miko is not the real me. She is based on me, and most of the things she and Corpse talk about are based on real things/events/people, but certain parts of her character are exaggerated. Like the "genius" part. Obviously, I am not a genius. The talking is in no way an exaggeration. I'm really like that. Perhaps you have been lucky enough to receive one of my reviews/essays? 


	8. In Which Tamahome and Tasuki Share a Jok...

I apologize for my long absence. Oh well, here I am! Did ya miss me?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yûgi or any of its characters. However, I do own the characters Zolac no Miko and Corpse. Just don't tell Corpse I said that. Also don't tell her I called her Corpse.  
  
Warnings: Really bad joke. Incessant babbling. Also, continued shameless authoress insertion. Sigh. I really do apologize. It's just that Kauai isn't as touristy as Oahu; the best spots are all hidden away. How's the gang supposed to find my favorite spots if I don't show them? I promise I'll let them explore Maui on their own, okay?  
  
CHAPTER 8: IN WHICH TAMAHOME AND TASUKI SHARE A JOKE  
  
Tasuki waited impatiently for the plane to land. The second the seat belt sign went off, he leaped from his seat, grabbed his bag, and hurried down the aisle. Must escape scary women! he thought. As the aisle filled with people trying to leave the plane, the outlaw found himself standing next to Tamahome and Miaka. The bluish-green-haired seishi was frowning darkly.  
The redhead blinked. "Gee Tama, what's wrong with yer face?"  
"Would you believe? Three babies! Not one, not two, but three! One in the seat in front of me, one behind, and one right next to me. One pooped, another one barfed, and the third one didn't stop crying for the whole trip!" He turned wild eyes on the bandit. "It just wouldn't shut up! It just kept screaming and screaming, and then there was the SMELL, oh Suzaku the SMELL...!"  
Miaka patted his arm. "Now now, Tama-chan, it's okay. We're leaving now."  
Tasuki's mood improved immediately. "Gee, an' I thought I had th' bad luck!" he exclaimed cheerfully.  
The crowd began moving, and the three of them soon found themselves in the waiting area outside the gate. They stood together, looking around for the others. A beautiful girl with a hula skirt, mistaking them for part of her Japanese tour group, gave each of them a lei and a kiss on the cheek.  
"Well that was awfully nice of her," said Miaka.  
Tasuki's lip twitched. He grinned, elbowing Tamahome. "Hey look Tama, I got 'lei'd'!" he chortled.  
Tamahome snickered. "Me too!" The two seishi cackled with glee at their joke.  
Miaka tapped Tamahome's arm, eyes wide. "I don't get it, Tamahome. What's so funny?"  
The warrior sobered immediately. He scowled at Tasuki, punching him in the arm. "Eh, shut up, copper top! It was a stupid joke anyway."  
By this time the rest of the shichiseishi had gotten off the plane. "Hey, no fair, you guys got lei'd!" pouted Nuriko. Tamahome choked. Tasuki giggled.  
"Yeah," added Chiriko, "I wanna get lei'd too!"  
It was too much. The two burst out laughing.  
"Hey Tasuki!" said a female voice.  
He froze, going white. Oh gods no!  
"What's so funny?" continued Zolac no Miko, walking up. Corpse was right behind her.  
"We got lei'd," said Tamahome, grinning. Zolac no Miko laughed. Corpse, looking distracted, didn't react at all.  
"So Tasuki, who're your friends?" asked Tamahome.  
The bandit sighed, rubbing his temples. "Guys, this is Zolac no Miko and Corpse. Miaka, Tamahome, Hotohori, Chichiri, Nuriko, Chiriko, and Mitsukake."  
"Corpse and Zolac no Miko," mused Chiriko, as if committing the names to memory. "Those are very interesting names."  
The blonde grinned. "They're not our real names. We can't tell you our real names. These are just nicknames. Wanna know how we got them?"  
Tasuki dove at the child seishi, clapping his hand over his mouth. "No! I mean, it'd take too long! Why don't we go get our suitcases?" He headed quickly toward the baggage claim, dragging the child genius with him. "As ya value yer sanity, don't ask th' blonde chick any questions!" he hissed.  
  
At the baggage claim, the same bags went round and round in circles, and no one recognized any of them. While Zolac no Miko chatted up the rest of the Suzaku shichiseishi, Tasuki stood to one side, grumbling to himself. Corpse stood silently, staring at the ground.  
"So Chichiri, you guys all staying at some hotel?" asked Zolac no Miko.  
"Yeah, but I forget what it's called no da." He began rummaging through his pockets. "I have it written down somewhere na no da."  
"Where are you staying?" asked Miaka.  
"We're staying up at this cabin in Kokee. Kokee is this kind of dry area up in the mountains. Actually where the cabin is it's not that dry. See my uncle and some of his friends have partial shares of the cabin, and they each have a certain part of the year that they can spend time in the cabin, and sometimes my uncle gives his share out to family members. Actually he's not my uncle; he's my mom's uncle. His name is Lorin. Isn't that a weird name for a guy? His mother's name was Lorin, but everyone called her Lor. She wanted a daughter so she could name her after herself, but she only had two sons, so she named one Lorin anyway. Except no one calls him Lorin. Everyone calls him Uncle Kink. See the story is, when he was born, some aunt or other relative looked at him and said, 'Oh, isn't he such a little kink?' or something like that. She must have meant 'king' but she said 'kink' and so everyone called him that." She paused for a second, and looked around with excited eyes. "Hey, I just had a super super duper wonderfully great idea! Why don't you all come and stay in the cabin with me and Corpse?"  
This got Tasuki's attention. "Whoa, wait a sec'. Isn't that against yer momma's rules or somethin'?"  
The blonde grinned slyly. "No, she only said not to give out our names to strangers. She never said anything about inviting strangers to come stay in our cabin."  
Hotohori looked politely concerned. "We wouldn't want to impose on you."  
"Impose nothing. It would be fun! Sure, it would be a bit crowded, but I wouldn't mind, and I don't think Corpse would either. Would you Corpse?"  
Corpse had been chewing on a fingernail and staring into space. "Huh? Oh. No, I wouldn't mind." She frowned and returned to chewing.  
"We could be you personal guides!" exclaimed Zolac no Miko. "Who knows Kauai better than me, huh? Besides, think of all the money you'd save by not staying in a hotel!"  
Tamahome perked up. "Money? Huh, what's that? Save money! What a great idea! We could save hundreds of dollars! What do you think... Priestess?" he asked slyly, eyeing Miaka.  
"It sounds wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Let's do it!"  
Tasuki buried his face in his hands, stifling a groan. Oh gods, I'm doomed, he thought. Days of exposure to these- these- women! It's bad enough I have to deal with Miaka all the time. He sighed. At least the Japanese one seems normal....  
Miaka had noticed that Corpse seemed distracted or upset. She frowned, worried. "Hey, Corpse-"  
"ANGEL OF DEATH!!!!" shrieked the brunette, pointing a defiant finger to the sky. Everyone promptly fell over.  
Scratch normal, thought Tasuki.  
  
Notes: Sorry, it was kind of short. And I apologize for the bad lei jokes. Heh. Bad lei. Snicker. Hmm, not much really happened in that chapter. Oh well. The next one's kind of short, too, but at least there's lots of screaming. Screaming is good, right? 


	9. In Which People Get Pissed Off

It's me again, the crazed High-Priestess of Zolac, with another installment of yer favorite story about seishi on vacation. Unless, of course, you prefer one of the other fics about seishi on vacation. In which case I am sad.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Fushigi Yûgi. Obviously, they belong to Fushigi Yûgi, and not this story. The other characters are mine. Not like anyone wants them.

Warnings: Screaming, madness, etc. You know the drill.

CHAPTER 9: IN WHICH PEOPLE GET PISSED OFF

The bags had finally come, and our heroes stood boredly outside of Avis car rentals while Chichiri did the paperwork.

"You all got that, right?! From here on, all will call me Angel of Death, not-" and here she shot a defiant glare at Zolac no Miko, "- Corpse!"

The blonde shrugged. "Whatever."

A weary Nuriko played with his hair, wondering idly if the crazy brown eyed girl was going to start foaming at the mouth.

Chiriko frowned. "Zolac no Miko-san, Angel of Death-san...." he stopped, frowning again.

Tamahome snorted. "That was awkward."

"Exactly my point." Chiriko turned to the girls. "Your names are very long, and difficult to say. I believe it is imperative that we agree on shortenings to those names. Especially your title, Zolac no Miko-san. I suppose 'Angel of Death' may be shortened to 'Angel,' but-"

"NO!" shrieked the brunette. "NOT ANGEL! THOU SHALT NEVER CALLETH ME ANGEL!! THOU SHALT ALWAYSETH CALLETH ME DEATHETH!!!!"

"Deatheth?" asked Hotohori, confused.

"She means Death," corrected Zolac no Miko. "Call her Death."

Death muttered to herself.

Tamahome raised an eyebrow. "Riiight. So then, what do we call you? Zolac?"

"NO! BLASPHEMOUS HEATHEN!! THOU MAYEST NOT CALLETH ME BY THE NAME OF MY GOD! THAT IS UNHOLY SACRILEGE!!!!"

"Well we can't call you 'Miko'," put in Nuriko. "We'd get you confused with Miaka."

"And we can't call you 'no'," added Tasuki, "'cuz, ya know, that just wouldn't make sense."

Zolac no Miko sighed extravagantly. "I suppose you'll have to call me Zo," she said.

"Okay then, Death and Zo. These are acceptable," said Chiriko.

After what seemed like eternities of waiting, our heroes were finally piling into a red minivan.

"I call shotgun no da!" cried Chichiri gleefully.

Tamahome paused, surprised, as he was climbing into the back seat. "Wait... but then who's driving?" he asked.

"I am!" exclaimed Zo as she climbed into the driver's seat.

"WHAT!? Hey!" Tamahome's face reddened. "She's younger than I am!" he complained to Chichiri.

"Yes, I know," replied the monk serenely, "but see, the difference is I trust her no da."

"But- Wha- Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!" he growled in frustration.

"Oh, stop being such a baby, Tama-chan; just get in the van!" exclaimed Nuriko, picking up the spluttering Tamahome and throwing him into the back seat. He and Miaka climbed in after him.

Tasuki sat next to Mitsukake and Chiriko in the middle seat. "Chichiri, make sure ya put on some good music, like heavy metal, or some- eeeep!" Death sat on his lap and buckled the seatbelt, grinning happily. Zo, adjusting the rear view mirror, saw this and rolled her eyes.

"Zo-chan," asked Miaka, "how far is it to Kokee? "

"Oh, only a few hours."

'I'm gonna diiiiieee!!!' thought Tasuki.

"Hold on everyone!" shouted Zolac no Miko. The van pulled out of the parking lot with tires screeching.

"Here comes another big turn! Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!" Zo yanked the steering wheel to the left, and the van swerved around the curve in the narrow road, mere feet from the edge of a very tall cliff.

"Hey, Zo, cut it out!" scowled Death. "Do you want us to plummet to the bottom of Waimea Canyon?"

"Urp!" commented Tasuki, trying desperately not to throw up. 'It doesn't help when this... this... girl is sitting on my #$%ing stomach!' he thought. The van hit a bump in the road. "Mmph!" 'Deep breaths deep breaths!'

_"_Stop... please stop..." whimpered Chiriko pitifully. Mitsukake groaned in agreement, his face green.

"And now, to the right!" screeched Zo, yanking on the wheel. The van veered to the right, nearly tipping over.

"Yay, woohooo!!!!" screamed Miaka. "Isn't this fun, Tamahome?"

Tamahome was staring out the window at a landscape that looked like Mars with trees, sulking. "Yeah, whatever," he grumbled. 'IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! WHY DOES SHE GET TO DRIVE?' his inner voice whined. 'WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE MEEEEE?!'

"Ohhhhhh..... We don't feel so well....." moaned Hotohori.

"Oh, poor Hotohori-sama! It's okay, I'll take care of you!" Nuriko frowned, concerned, and stroked Hotohori's brow.

"Hold on, another curve!"

"HEY!!!!" shouted Nuriko. "WHAT ARE YA TRYING TO DO, KILL HIM?!"

"GAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! THE VAN'S GONNA TIP OVER AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!" shrieked the Angel of Death.

Chichiri had his head out the window. "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN NO DAAAAAAAA!!!!"

Notes: Well, another short chapter. Sorry, that's just how they're turning out. After this one, I've got one more chapter written ahead of time, then I've got to write some more. I may be a bit longer between updates, Zolac forbid. Again, sorry.

Erm, lessee, stuff to explain.... Okay, the Corpse/Angel of Death thing. Well, I didn't know what name to give to my friend, so I did what any good friend would do... I knowingly and intentionally gave her a name that I know she hates. She found out and complained and insisted I change it to Angel of Death, but I couldn't resist torturing her, so I left the Corpse thing in and just changed it in this chapter. See how I love my friends? The thing about "alwayseth calleth me Deatheth"... she actually talks like that. See, my friends are almost as weird as me. The thing about me driving... I'm actually older than Tamahome now, but I was younger than him when I wrote this. I decided to leave it be, because it would piss him off more. Besides, the Zolac no Miko in this story isn't really me, but an exaggerated caricature of me; not me, but a character I created. So yeah, let's just say, in this story, ZnM and AoD are 16 or something.

What else? I believe Zo explained the Kokee thing already ;; . Waimea Canyon is, I believe, the largest canyon in Polynesia, also known as "The Grand Canyon of the Pacific." Having seen the Grand Canyon, I now know Waimea to be a pretty wussy canyon, but still pretty darn impressive for a Pacific volcanic island. It's one of my favorite places to go hiking. The road to Kokee does go right by it, and the curves are really scary.

That's about all the useless info I've got for now. See ya next chapter!


End file.
